One small part of a dream I had last night involved me installing an electrical outlet in a wall (possibly a doorway) and both the outlet and my installation of it represented a formula. This formula was Work = Fugue = Life.
I looked up the word Fugue to try and interpret the meaning of the formula and found two definitions. The first was a musical definition, of which I am too musically illiterate to understand the meaning of. The second definition of "fugue" is that of the psychological fugue-state, which is a state of amnesia NOT brought on by drug use or an injury.
This second definition makes sense to me because it fits in line with my opinion that the very act of living, itself, is a state of voluntary amnesia brought on to facilitate soul growth. (One can not change/grow without choice, and choices are not possible unless one is ignorant of the true outcome of their choices.) That said, if the meaning of this formula is so inline with what I already believe, then why did I find it so important?
Any ideas and opinions on the subject would be much appreciated. Just please make your ideas constructive. :)
-Dax
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Woman in the Hall
As I was at work today, I noticed that the bottle I was drinking from had some dried soda on the outside of it, so I took it out to the drinking fountain to wash it off. There is a doctor's office around the corner, from which I saw a little old lady walking painfully down the hall.
She was old and walked with a cane in one hand and an oxygen bottle in the other. I asked her if I could help her in any way. Her response was, "No. Well, maybe with an easier way to die."
To which I said, "The nice thing about death is that it's not an end."
She said "Yes it is." and continued walking to the elevator.
I felt so much compassion for that poor lady.
She was old and walked with a cane in one hand and an oxygen bottle in the other. I asked her if I could help her in any way. Her response was, "No. Well, maybe with an easier way to die."
To which I said, "The nice thing about death is that it's not an end."
She said "Yes it is." and continued walking to the elevator.
I felt so much compassion for that poor lady.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The "White Screen of Death" with a smile.
I was recently meditating on unconditional universal love. I was laying there in bed meditating with the intent of continuing my meditation into sleep (as I often do), focusing on unconditional love toward all those beings, even the ones I don't want to love. I focused on loving people who I felt had wronged me, beings who mean me harm, beings who church tells me to hate, even Cockroaches.
Eventually, I had the instinctive impression that someone had run up to me and gave me a light pop on the top of the head. They popped me lightly but with purpose. The instant this happened, my vision went white. There was a part of me that was calling this "The White Screen of Death" but it's important to realize that this title was given with humor, not fear. In other words, part of me was amused at this. Probably the most important aspect of this "White Screen of Death" was that I couldn't think. It's like the white was an anti-thought wall.
Anyway, I started working through the situation (instinctively. I could act and feel, but thought was repressed.) and after a few seconds I'd removed the wall and could think normally again.
After spending some time contemplating this experience, I started wondering about the internal white light that many mediators have discussed. There are people throughout the world who have described an internal white light that they experience while undergoing deep meditation. They describe this light as being internal, bringing peace, and some have even referred to it as an inner cathedral.
I was wondering if I didn't experience this same phenomenon but from a different perspective. In a lot of meditation techniques, the goal is to bring about inner peace by silencing thought and so this white inner light is usually described as the result of heightened inner peace; but what if that's not what the inner light is, at all? What if this inner light actually CAUSES the silencing of thought, maybe it's the cause and not the effect? Maybe it's both? ...or neither? All I know is what I've experienced. It's intriguing, none the less.
Eventually, I had the instinctive impression that someone had run up to me and gave me a light pop on the top of the head. They popped me lightly but with purpose. The instant this happened, my vision went white. There was a part of me that was calling this "The White Screen of Death" but it's important to realize that this title was given with humor, not fear. In other words, part of me was amused at this. Probably the most important aspect of this "White Screen of Death" was that I couldn't think. It's like the white was an anti-thought wall.
Anyway, I started working through the situation (instinctively. I could act and feel, but thought was repressed.) and after a few seconds I'd removed the wall and could think normally again.
After spending some time contemplating this experience, I started wondering about the internal white light that many mediators have discussed. There are people throughout the world who have described an internal white light that they experience while undergoing deep meditation. They describe this light as being internal, bringing peace, and some have even referred to it as an inner cathedral.
I was wondering if I didn't experience this same phenomenon but from a different perspective. In a lot of meditation techniques, the goal is to bring about inner peace by silencing thought and so this white inner light is usually described as the result of heightened inner peace; but what if that's not what the inner light is, at all? What if this inner light actually CAUSES the silencing of thought, maybe it's the cause and not the effect? Maybe it's both? ...or neither? All I know is what I've experienced. It's intriguing, none the less.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Various Attempts at Lucid Dreaming
Lucid Dreaming (Dreaming while being aware, in the dream, that you are having a dream) is a fascination I have had throughout most of my life. However, it's not something that I have had a lot of luck with actually doing. Never the less, I figured I would post my feeble successes on this subject for any who care to read them.
My interest in lucid dreams began after reading a dream issue of OMNI magazine. According to an OMNI magazine collector I've found on the internet, it was probably the issue published in March 1982, making me 9 years old when I read it. This article described people flying around and exploring dream landscapes that, for all intents and purposes, looked and felt absolutely real. Although the article contained instructions on how to have a lucid dream, involving waves of energy flowing through your body before going to sleep, I always would hit a mental block so I never managed to finish the process. Although my interests and pursuits of this subject have waxed and waned over the years, I feel that reading this article was one of the pivotal moments of my life.
A while back, I listened to an interview with Robert Waggoner (the lucid dream expert, not the actor. :-P ) on the internet radio show Dreamland and this not only brought my interest back but also led me to research multiple ways of inducing a lucid dream.
In reading through the entries in my journal posted since then, I've found many dreams with partial lucidity, though only two were what I would call 'lucid.' And here they are...
9-20-09 (Dream)
I might've had my first lucid dream last night, though only for a few seconds. In the normal dream state I was looking at a white marble statue that resembled a tree, but also reminded me of a mushroom. There was some sort of piano keyboard built into its trunk and it was playing music, though I can't remember what.
I woke up and went back to bed where I continued the dream, but now I was lucid. I stood on a notch of the tree trunk inspecting the interior of the canopy.
11-20-09 (Dream)
I had a very short, only a few seconds, lucid dream.
I was standing next to the street in a busy city and I could feel the stones of the walkway beneath my feet. This city felt like it might have been in South America. The street was packed with people. A little van/car drove by which did not look like anything you'd see in the United States. There was a woman with dark curly hair in the car and she waved at me as she drove by. This woman seemed self-aware.
As you can tell, my success in this field has been extremely rare and only lasted a few seconds when it did happen, but I have had success, none the less. While reading through my journal, I was amazed at how many dreams I've had with partial lucidity!
My interest in lucid dreams began after reading a dream issue of OMNI magazine. According to an OMNI magazine collector I've found on the internet, it was probably the issue published in March 1982, making me 9 years old when I read it. This article described people flying around and exploring dream landscapes that, for all intents and purposes, looked and felt absolutely real. Although the article contained instructions on how to have a lucid dream, involving waves of energy flowing through your body before going to sleep, I always would hit a mental block so I never managed to finish the process. Although my interests and pursuits of this subject have waxed and waned over the years, I feel that reading this article was one of the pivotal moments of my life.
A while back, I listened to an interview with Robert Waggoner (the lucid dream expert, not the actor. :-P ) on the internet radio show Dreamland and this not only brought my interest back but also led me to research multiple ways of inducing a lucid dream.
In reading through the entries in my journal posted since then, I've found many dreams with partial lucidity, though only two were what I would call 'lucid.' And here they are...
9-20-09 (Dream)
I might've had my first lucid dream last night, though only for a few seconds. In the normal dream state I was looking at a white marble statue that resembled a tree, but also reminded me of a mushroom. There was some sort of piano keyboard built into its trunk and it was playing music, though I can't remember what.
I woke up and went back to bed where I continued the dream, but now I was lucid. I stood on a notch of the tree trunk inspecting the interior of the canopy.
11-20-09 (Dream)
I had a very short, only a few seconds, lucid dream.
I was standing next to the street in a busy city and I could feel the stones of the walkway beneath my feet. This city felt like it might have been in South America. The street was packed with people. A little van/car drove by which did not look like anything you'd see in the United States. There was a woman with dark curly hair in the car and she waved at me as she drove by. This woman seemed self-aware.
As you can tell, my success in this field has been extremely rare and only lasted a few seconds when it did happen, but I have had success, none the less. While reading through my journal, I was amazed at how many dreams I've had with partial lucidity!
A Past Experience
My first blog post will involve an experience I had in the summer of 1992.
I had just graduated from High School and had gotten my first (what other people would call) 'real job,' on a road crew. We were paving the highway passing through my home town and I was one of the locals brought on to continue the work. The part of the world where I lived tends to have cold wet winters and hot dry summers, and it was hot. It wasn't until the past decade that I remember ever having a wet summer.
I cannot remember the exact events that brought about my lack of water on this day, but somehow I wound up on flag duty, standing by myself with no shade (except for the shade my sign and hat provided), no drink, on the open highway, and the crew itself was working several miles away.
I felt like I was going to die, and I felt this strongly enough that I was actively praying to God to get me through this. Just as I felt like I was about to give out, I saw the ground around me darken as a cloud moved between myself and the sun. I looked up, and the sky was completely clear, except for one long, skinny cloud that was positioned and shaped perfectly to cast the highway in shade and nothing else. It seemed to say "Why should I ruin the day for everyone else?" with a smile. My strength returned and I spent the rest of my shift in relative comfort.
Of coarse a skeptic could easily write this experience off as a hallucination, but if it were, why did it persist for the rest of the shift?
I had just graduated from High School and had gotten my first (what other people would call) 'real job,' on a road crew. We were paving the highway passing through my home town and I was one of the locals brought on to continue the work. The part of the world where I lived tends to have cold wet winters and hot dry summers, and it was hot. It wasn't until the past decade that I remember ever having a wet summer.
I cannot remember the exact events that brought about my lack of water on this day, but somehow I wound up on flag duty, standing by myself with no shade (except for the shade my sign and hat provided), no drink, on the open highway, and the crew itself was working several miles away.
I felt like I was going to die, and I felt this strongly enough that I was actively praying to God to get me through this. Just as I felt like I was about to give out, I saw the ground around me darken as a cloud moved between myself and the sun. I looked up, and the sky was completely clear, except for one long, skinny cloud that was positioned and shaped perfectly to cast the highway in shade and nothing else. It seemed to say "Why should I ruin the day for everyone else?" with a smile. My strength returned and I spent the rest of my shift in relative comfort.
Of coarse a skeptic could easily write this experience off as a hallucination, but if it were, why did it persist for the rest of the shift?
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